i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
