I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
