remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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