even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
