Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
