giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
