You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
