on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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