I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
