dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
