The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
