My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
