ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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