If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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