omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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