I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
