I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
