Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
