She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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