I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize