I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
