how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
