What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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