We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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