how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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