She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
