I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
