I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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