Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Randomize
