my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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