He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize