he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
