Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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