best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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