I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
