So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
