Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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