Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
that may or may not have been my penis.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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