I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
