Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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