I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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