Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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