Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
