Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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