Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
