well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
