im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
