i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize