take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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