Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
