whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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