Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize