Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
