So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
