her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
