what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
