even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
