We're facebook friends in real life
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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