But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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