I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize