Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
