I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
