I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
