he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
