halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
