"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
