Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
