come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
