Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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