I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
