So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
