sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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