Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize